Turkish Delight - The Unbelievable World of Turkish Schlock Cinema

by Dr. Abner Mality



Greetings, humanoids! Today I will attempt to broaden your cinematic horizons as we journey outside the USA to the turbulent Middle East. To be exact, our destination is Turkey...known for rich candy, harsh cigarettes, dirty sex and the Armenian genocide (though the last item gets the least attention). But one thing you may not have known about this most secular of Muslim countries is that it was once the home to the world's most outrageous action cinema...a mind-boggling combination of extreme plagiarism, comic book violence, titilating sex and ultra-cheap production values! In other words, Turkey is a treasure trove of psychotronic cinema that has yet to be discovered by even many devoted underground film fans.

I've only recently delved into the delights of Turkish pop cinema and I can scarcely find words to do it justice. Can you imagine Turkish Vikings that feed people to an inflatable octopus? How about a Turkish Wizard of Oz where the Great and Powerful Wizard is a skull sitting on a table? Can your brain conceive a Turkish Star Trek with native actors where a cab driver joins the crew? If you watch the best of Turkey's incredible schlock cinema, you won't have to imagine...you will witness it with your own disbelieving eyes.

Unfortunately, so little remains of these wonderful oddities. The Golden Age of Turkey's pop cinema has long ago passed into memory. Only bits and pieces remain of its glory years, which ranged from about 1966 to 1982. During those halcyon days, the Turks churned out over 300 cheap and exciting action flicks a year, featuring barbarians, superheroes, secret agents, spacemen and kung fu fighters given a distinctive Turkish twist.

Turkey had actually had a very active cinema for many years...unique amongst Muslim nations. Always leaning more towards the West, the Turks often did adaptations of classics like "Dracula". But prior to the boom years of the mid-1960's, Turkish movies were staid adaptations of literary and historical classics. During the 60's, though, entrepreneurs realized there was a huge demand for exciting, simple-minded action films, especially in the rural areas. Often bankrolled by drug smugglers and gangsters, the new, more vigorous Turkish cinema was aimed at the masses and featured wild action and smoldering sex appeal.

For some reason, the Turks have no concept of copyright control. To them, shameless plagiarism is a high art. Most of their movies were bald-faced rip-offs of popular Western movies and characters. Superheroes in particular were favorite subjects of these novelty-challenged film-makers. There were Turkish versions of Superman, Spiderman and...incredibly...even Captain America! Instead of Batman, there was a Batwoman. Later on, the Turks would steal from major Hollywood blockbusters, coming up with their own takes on "Star Wars", "Rambo", "The Exorcist" and "E.T.".

The problem was, there was no budget to recreate the Hollywood giants, so most of the Turkish knock-offs were ridiculously cheap and cheesy. The Turkish version of "Star Wars", entitled "The Man Who Saved the Universe", is the most notorious example of this. Characters would be shown in front of cardboard sets wearing cheap costumes...but when an exciting space battle was needed, the solution was obvious and shocking: just steal a few minutes of footage from the actual "Star Wars" and stick it into the movie!

Turkish audiences didn't complain. They loved their homegrown cinema and flocked to moviehouses in large numbers. Turkey in the 60's and 70's did not have TV penetration like Europe and the U.S., so people had to go to the movies to see the films. This pattern persisted until the early 1980's, as TV's and also VCRs began to flood the country. Less people went to the movies. And also, actual Western films themselves were now being released and becoming popular. The actual versions of "Star Wars", "Conan" and "Rambo" were easily accessible, so why see a much cheaper knockoff?

As quickly as entrepreneurs bankrolled Turkish cinema, they also pulled out of it. The market completely collapsed and by 1984, the great days of pop cinema were done in Turkey. Homegrown movies continue to be made there, but only a couple a year and they do not have the delirious psychotronic energy of the Golden Years. Many of the black and white Turk movies of the 60's were melted down to extract silver from the film, resulting in wholesale destruction. Color movies fared a little better, but were often forgotten and neglected, if not destroyed outright. As Yilmaz Atadeniz, director of "The Deathless Devil" and numerous other flicks, said, "it was a massacre of our culture." The boom years of Turkish cinema seemed to be a vaguely recollected dream by the 1990's, a ghost of a freewheeling and innocent past.

Thankfully, I was able to latch on to some of the ghosts of Turkish pop cinema when I recently picked up a double DVD featuring two classic examples of the crazy, cheap and incredibly entertaining artform. "The Deathless Devil" is a souped-up superhero flick pitting a masked avenger against the sinister Dr. Satan and his nefarious schemes. "Tarkan vs. The Vikings" is a bloody and barbaric tale of a Turkish warrior's revenge against Viking raiders. Both movies are utterly ridiculous...and also utterly enjoyable. Many thanks to the wonderful Mondo Macabro company for making these available to the public. Their double DVD set is packed with goodies, including an excellent documentary looking at the phenomena of Turkish pop cinema.

Let's take a look at "The Deathless Devil" first. Filmed in 1973, it is actually based on a 1940's era American cliffhanger serial called "The Mysterious Dr. Satan". Director Yilmaz Atadeniz makes no secret of his love of the old superhero serials and "The Deathless Devil" retains many of the plot elements and characters from "Mysterious Dr. Satan". Who could have guessed that a fairly obscure serial would be revived almost 30 years after its debut more than halfway around the world in another country? "The Deathless Devil" not only transfers the action to Turkey, but significantly ups the sex and violence quotient, adding elements from popular spy melodramas like the James Bond movies and "In Like Flint". Atadeniz also inserts incredibly dumb comic relief based on the "Pink Panther" movies. The result is a wild panache of genres in collision.

"The Deathless Devil" wastes no time with needless build-up, but slams right into the action. Professor Dogan has invented a device that allows him to remotely control any plane and fly it with no actual pilot. An American scientist arriving in Istanbul to meet him is brazenly murdered by thugs, who then turn to the head of the secret service organization protecting Dogan. In a moving heart to heart, he reveals to his studly and athletic son Tekin that he is not actually his father. Tekin's real Dad was a mysterious masked hero known as Copperhead. The mask and costume of Copperhead is given to Tekin, who is told to "fight always for justice, but with your fists and mind, not guns". Shortly after, Tekin's adoptive Dad is murdered but Tekin manages to capture the assassin after a wild brawl. Which is as good a place as any to mention that the fights in Turkish action cinema look pretty brutal and hardcharging. The actor playing Tekin has the extremely unfortunate name of Kunt Tulgar but to atone for this, he does all of his own stunts...and quite well, I might add.

Under interrogation, the assassin reveals that he is being controlled by an evil genius named Dr. Satan, who has set his sights on capturing Professor Dogan and obtaining the "Tangait" control lamp. It was none other than Dr. Satan who killed the original Copperhead years ago. For revealing this information, the assassin is brazenly killed by remote control right in front of Tekin, Professor Dogan and Dogan's lovely daughter Sevgi, who is Tekin's sweetheart.

And now a few words about Dr. Satan himself. As a mad doctor myself, I can really appreciate a lunatic bent on world domination. Well, Doc Satan is sure one of the best I've seen. I believe the actor portraying the Good Doctor is Mine Mutlu, but I could be wrong. At any rate, this guy makes the movie. With his incredible drooping moustache, colorful Chinese tunic and his demonic laugh, he's the very picture of arrogant confidence. He's so evil, he makes Snidely Whiplash seem like John Paul II. He's got a million schemes and even a resourceful hero like Copperhead hardly seems to make him lose his cool. By the end of the movie, we're almost rooting for Dr. Satan and his boys to get away with their plots!

There are other characters worth mentioning. Tekin is assisted in his battle by his horrific sidekick Bitik. This babbling, mugging fool engenders more hatred and loathing than Dr. Satan and his scruffy band ever could. A balding, pot-bellied clown, Bitik spends most of the movie dressed up as Sherlock Holmes. At one point,he's placed under the control of Dr. Satan and used as a "human bomb" to try and destroy Tekin. Doing a robot walk and bearing a drugged out bug eyed grin, Bitik enters the scene accompanied by the theme to the "Pink Panther" movies. He also drools over some of the good looking women in the movie, remarking at one point "Look at the arse on that one!". Bitik ranks high among the list of the most annoying movie characters ever and you will pray for his death long before the movie is over.

Dr. Satan is assisted by a band of ragged thugs who mostly look like they should be flipping burgers at the local "family restaurant". One exception is the very nattily dressed Razor, whose dress sense is excellent even if his fighting skills suck. Another lieutenant is the bearded, swarthy Canko, who has a very special weapon: razor edged playing cards that he tosses at Copperhead. Shame his aim is so poor.

Dr. Satan's greatest creation has to be the killer robot which he uses to dispatch his enemies. Looking like a refugee from a third grade "creativity" session, the box-headed robot with its lumbering gait and cartoonish face seems completely out of place in the 1970's. The original "Mysterious Dr. Satan" serial also featured a clunky robot, but that one was a model of special effects brilliance compared to the model we see in "The Deathless Devil". Nevertheless, the robot is a pivotal player here.

Women also feature in the movie, but only as sex objects. Professor Dogan's daughter Sevgi is the equivalent of Sweet Polly Purebread from the old Underdog cartoons, existing only to be kidnapped and menaced by Dr. Satan. She's pretty cute, but pales next to the ravishing Ayla, Dr. Dogan's sexy secretary who has a fling with Tekin. This babe is an awesome looking specimen of Turkish womanhood who strips down significantly when she plays tongue hockey with Tekin. My buddy Colossal Dave couldn't keep his eyes off of her.

Accentuating the whole shebang is a wildly exuberant musical score that features some of the best action-adventure music I've clapped ears on. The main theme is a brassy, loud and energetic number that will blow your ears right off! This is great 60's style pop-jazz that you'll find hard to get out of your head. There's another theme that appears during Tekin's make-out scene with Ayla that's equally bouncy and cool...as hip and mod as anything appearing in American or British cinema of the period. The rest of the soundtrack is a poorly edited mish-mash of music stolen from "Thunderball" and the "Pink Panther" movies and even the Grateful Dead's electronic stand-by "Popcorn". It's mixed with themes that sound like they could have come from 1940's superhero serials...which they probably did!

"The Deathless Devil" is exactly what you think a 1940's superhero serial updated to 1970's Turkey would be...a delirious action-packed romp almost totally devoid of logic and plot. It's an endless series of fight and chase scenes interspersed with bad comedy and sex. Characters are kidnapped, freed, kidnapped again. Copperhead battles the forces of Dr. Satan on trains, planes and in abandoned lumberyards. At one point, Dr. Satan even tries to give Copperhead the old "walls closing in" trick...a death trap which was old even back in the 40's! God bless Dr. Satan for being such a traditionalist! But as you watch this movie, you realize the essential genius of Turkish action cinema: it's just fun to put your brain under the chair and enjoy the action. You'll find yourself liking the characters (with the exception of Bitik) and there's something innocent and fun about the movie that many of the modern day superhero epics can't touch. Long live Copperhead and long live Dr. Satan!

The quotient of absurd sex and violence is considerably upped in the next Turkish feature, "Tarkan vs. The Vikings". Take it from me, you haven't lived until you've seen Turks masquerading as Swedes and Norwegians! A combination of the "Conan" films (which came out ten years later in the States) and the Italian muscleman epics of the early 60's, "Tarkan" is based on a wildly popular series of Turkish comic books. Tarkan is an invincible Turkish warrior of the Middle Ages who was raised by wolves and who swings his sword in the cause of justice.

Here, Tarkan is a fierce mercenary who acts as bodyguard to Princess Yonca, daughter of the Sultan Attila. Accompanied by two wolves named Kurt, Tarkan is described by Yonca as a "one-man" army and is played by Kartal Tibet, who comes across as a Middle Eastern Charles Bronson. Obviously director Mehemet Aslan had trouble getting real wolves to play the two Kurts...so he uses typical German Shepherds instead! I guess the old dog is Kurt Sr. and the young buck is Kurt Jr.These amazing hounds are capable of feats surpassing Rin Tin Tin, Lassie and Underdog combined. To Tarkan, they are "more than kin...far, far more."

Tarkan delivers Yonca to the commander of a Turkish fort...which is then immediately attacked by the scurviest, nastiest bunch of Vikings to ever sail the Mediterranean. The Mediterranean??? I thought the Vikings stuck to the North Atlantic. Only in Turkish cinema...At any rate, these guys couldn't pass for real Norsemen at a fifth-grade Halloween party. But they are just as bloodthirsty as the real thing. We get treated to incredible shots of Vikings skewering babies with swords, sticking axes in women's heads and other forms of grotesque bloody mayhem.

Tarkan and the Kurts fight valiantly, but the great warrior is dropped by two arrows in his back. Kurt Sr. is slain by the evil Toro, leader of the Viking raid, who then knocks out Kurt Jr. Much like Dr. Satan in "The Deathless Devil", Toro is the real star of the movie. Despite a blond wig that would be better suited to a Muppet and extremely phony facial hair, Toro sneers and smoulders with the sheer evil that only great villains have. He's a worthy predecessor to Thulsa Doom of "Conan" and other such nasties.

Toro and the Vikings kidnap Princess Yonca and a bevy of Turkish women warriors, bringing them in chains back to the Viking stronghold. Toro already has Princess Lotus, the daughter of the Chinese Emperor, in his grasp and with Yonca also now under his control, he can carve out an empire. He has made only one mistake...he forgot to make sure Tarkan was dead.

The wounded warrior awakens to find that his beloved companion Kurt Sr. has been murdered. Tarkan explodes in one of cinema's greatest grieving scenes. "You were my everything," he laments. "No human being could be as loyal, as brave as you." Both Kurt Jr. and Tarkan nurse their wounds, but pledge to track the Vikings to the ends of the earth to avenge the death of their canine buddy.

Meanwhile, Toro is up to more mischief. Returning to the Viking's base (which looks like it is still in Turkey though it ought to be in Scandinavia), he quickly overthrows old King Gero in a bloody coup. Gero is chained into a rack that faces the ocean, where he awaits the coming of a horrible "kraken"...a dreaded Viking sea beast.

After ominous bubbling in the water, we finally see the fearsome monster...the phoniest, most incredibly harmless looking rubber octopus ever conceived by mortal man. You will gawk in disbelieving amazement at this limp inflatable creature with its big painted eyes. Despite looking utterly helpless and almost dead, the octo-muppet makes bloody work of King Gero as a laughing Toro and grim-faced Princess Lotus watch. It turns out that Lotus is a pretty sick cooky herself and has got schemes of her own. She later drugs Toro, frees Princess Yonca and takes a Viking ship back to China, with enraged Norsemen in angry pursuit.

Tarkan's path soon intersects with Lotus and the captured Yonca...and later the Vikings, whom he slaughters in an outrageous display of non-stop decapitation and limb-lopping. Though Tarkan is based on a comic book, it must have been a hell of a bloody mess, if this is anything to go by.

The story moves like a rocket, as Lotus is recaptured by Toro, who actually admires her spirit, and Tarkan winds up chained in the hold of a Viking oarship. Here he stoically endures the whip of the overseer until leading a slave revolt and taking control of the ship. From there, he encounters the voluptuous Viking valkyrie Ursula, daughter of the late King Gero, who is hell-bent on destroying the usurper. Ursula is accompanied by a whole gaggle of women warriors as well as the giant, brutish Orso, who resembles Richard Kiel in "EEGAH!" Orso was formerly the handler of the kraken but revolted when Toro ordered the mute giant to sacrifice Ursula to the monster. Again like Eegah, Orso communicates with a hilarious growling mumble that will have you in stitches. He has a great fight scene with Tarkan (while "Thus Spake Zarathustra" from "2001" plays in the background!) and winds up battling the octopus himself!

Much like "The Deathless Devil" but only with more sex and violence, the story turns into a series of captures and escapes. At one point, Tarkan is hung over a well of poisonous snakes while a semi-nude and incredibly hot Princess Lotus dances towards him with sharp knives. This is pure pulp overkill and I love every minute of it! Later, Tarkan is chained for the octo-muppet to devour, but good old Kurt Jr. comes to the rescue again, along with Orso, leaving the vengeful warrior to confront the killer of his "wolf brother" at last. "Oh mighty Turk, nothing can stop you now!" exclaims Princess Yonca as she watches Tarkan in action.

This movie is NUTS! So cheap, so ramshackle, yet nothing but pure adrenaline! It took Hollywood nine more years and about thirty million more dollars to come up with the similar "Conan the Barbarian" and I can't say Conan has any more action or bloodshed than "Tarkan vs. the Vikings". Despite the ridiculous spectacle of Turks dressed like Vikings and the phoniest sea monster of all time, the story sucks you in with its non-stop whirlwind of action. Kartal Tibet is actually pretty good as Tarkan...he has a natural athleticism and toughness to him that translates on the screen. And there are a number of beautiful women in various states of undress, most especially Princess Lotus. As was the case with "Deathless Devil", the music is again strong, with themes ripped off from "2001" , "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly", "The Wind and the Lion" and presumably many others.

Believe it or not, "Tarkan vs. the Vikings" and "The Deathless Devil are two of the more ORIGINAL examples of Turkish pop cinema that are available. As intimated earlier in the article, the Turks were notorious for their shameless theft of music, characters and even footage from Western films and movies.

Perhaps the most purely berserk version of this phenomena was the Turkish "Star Trek", released under the name of "Omar the Tourist in Space". This unhinged example of psychotronic cinema will have you wondering who slipped the acid in your hot chocolate. It is literally a foreign language grade school play stealing characters from "Star Trek" and mixing them with bawdy Turkish slapstick.

The film finds Omar, a balding, hapless everyman who drives a cab in modern day Turkey, beamed aboard the Starship Enterprise, where he bumbles around and finds himself in a horrendous adaptation of the classic Trek episode "The Man Trap". You've got to see it to believe it....I know it's tedious to repeat that, but really, you've got to see it!

We get Turkish versions of all the favorite Trek characters, played by native actors. Mr. Spock becomes "Mr. Spak". Captain Kirk becomes Kapitan Kurk, Uhura is Ohora, and so on. The actor playing "Kurk" tries to mimic William Shatner's famous mannerisms but manages to come across as completely homosexual.

The mimicry of "The Man Trap" is fairly accurate, as the faux-Trekkers and Omar encounter Professor Krater and his strange wife Nancy, who is actually a hideous monster that can change its appearance and which feeds on salt. Needless to say, the monster is nowhere near as effective as the one in the original American episode. Apparently not satisfied only with a salt monster, the movie manages to throw in androids that look like male bodybuilders in Speedos going amuck!

To give the Turkish Trek authentic flavor, the crew's uniforms are fairly good knock-offs of the originals. The sets, though, are horrendous cardboard ticky-tacky and the "special effects" such as phasers and transporters look like somebody scratching the film with a pin. However, the "Enterprise" itself looks quite good...as well it should, since the footage is stolen from the actual "Trek" TV show! Oy vey! Yet even here, the Turks can't get it right, as the space background often is colored red or even white!

The whole movie ends in a bizarre slapstick confrontation between Omar, the Enterprise crew, the salt monster and the beefcake androids. Even my 75 year old mother, who has never been heard to swear, would be saying "What the fuck?" after watching this.

Turkish ripoff cinema also produced what many who have seen it call the worst movie ever made, "The Turkish Wizard of Oz". I haven't seen this delight, but I've heard the Scarecrow is gay and Toto spends a lot of the movie jumping into Dorothy's crotch. To say nothing of the munchkins! There's also a notorious Turkish Exorcist and Turkish Rambo. What is actually left of these cinematic oddities is unknown...it would truly be tragic if they were lost for good.

Perhaps the last great gasp of Turkish pop cinema was its most famous export,"The Man Who Saved the Universe", aka the "Turkish Star Wars". This film is widely available on DVD and VHS and has no doubt livened up many a college drinking party. Starring the great Cuneyt Arkin, the king of Turkish action heroes, this is the movie that gives the finger to George Lucas by stealing scenes right from the original "Star Wars", as well as music from that film, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" and "Superman". Lucas is such a license whore these days, I hope he doesn't get one red cent from these guys.

Released in 1983, the movie was the last stand of Turkish pop cinema before the bottom fell out. TV's and VCR's invaded the country and suddenly everybody was seeing and buying Western movies. The shady backers who had propped up homegrown movies deserted them for other pastures...like hardcore porn or getting distributorships for Hollywood films. Within just a few years, the production of cheap Turkish action movies evaporated to a bare trickle.

In recent years, there has been a resurgence of interest in these movies. Many Turks in their 30's and 40's fondly recall seeing these outrageous films in their youth and many psychotronic film fans such as the Good Doctor have also been interested in tracking them down. Alas, it's too late in many cases, but who knows? Perhaps in some dusty attic or forgotten basement sit reels and reels of these treasures, awaiting to once again thrill, befuddle and amuse the masses of humanity.

It would be be nice to think so...